Stages of Change: Why We Struggle to Do the Things We Say We Want to Do

Well, hello, hello! It’s been a minute — but I promised I’d start blogging again, and I intend to keep that promise. So here I am, on a random Monday, sitting in my office and sharing one of the most eye-opening concepts in personal growth and health coaching: the Stages of Change, also known as the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change.

If you’ve ever wondered why you say you want to change — but somehow don’t follow through — this is for you. Whether it’s fitness, nutrition, finances, or even spiritual growth, these six stages reveal how transformation really happens (and why it’s so hard).

Why Change Feels So Hard

Let’s be real — change is hard.

We live in a world that’s built for convenience, comfort, and instant gratification. Our brains are wired to protect us from stress or discomfort — which means it naturally resists anything new, uncertain, or difficult.

So when we try to change our habits — like working out more, eating healthier, or saving money — our brain goes, “Nope, too risky!” and tries to pull us back into old patterns.

But here’s the truth: every meaningful change in your life follows the same journey.

It’s called the Stages of Change, and understanding which stage you’re in can help you stop feeling like a failure and start making real progress.

Stage 1: Pre-Contemplation — “I’m Not Ready Yet”

In this stage, you’re not planning to change anytime soon. You might feel stuck, discouraged, or even defensive when someone brings up your habits.

It’s not that you don’t want to change — you just don’t believe you can, or you’re unsure how. Maybe you’ve tried and failed before. Maybe it feels too overwhelming.

Common signs:

• You’ve thought, “It’s just who I am.”

• You avoid conversations about change.

• You see more cons than pros to taking action.

💡 Tip: Start learning about the benefits of change without pressure. Awareness is the first step toward growth.

Stage 2: Contemplation — “I Want To… But What If I Fail?”

You’re starting to think seriously about changing. You know what you want — maybe to lose weight, get stronger, or feel better — but fear of failure still has a grip.

You might talk about changing (“I need to start tracking my food”) but not actually do it. This is what I call chronic contemplation — stuck in thinking mode, not doing mode.

Common signs:

• You say, “I’ll start next week.”

• You’re afraid to fail again.

• You’re waiting for the “perfect time.”

💡 Tip: Start small. Pick one action — even if it’s just a 10-minute walk — and begin building confidence.

Stage 3: Preparation — “I’m Getting Ready”

Now things are shifting. You’re mentally preparing for action — maybe joining a gym, planning meals, or finding accountability.

The pros finally outweigh the cons, and you’re mapping out what needs to happen next.

You’re also identifying obstacles (busy schedule, lack of support) and making a plan to overcome them.

Common signs:

• You’re researching programs or coaches.

• You’re setting realistic goals.

• You’re excited but nervous.

💡 Tip: Surround yourself with support. Join a fitness group or hire a coach— it can be the key to lasting change.

Stage 4: Action — “I’m Doing It!”

This is where the magic (and the mess) happens. You’re taking real steps toward your goal — showing up for workouts, logging your meals, prioritizing your health.

The action stage is demanding because life doesn’t pause for your goals. Kids get sick. Work gets busy. Motivation dips. But this stage is all about consistency over perfection.

Common signs:

• You’re building momentum and seeing results.

• You’re learning to adjust when things go wrong.

• You’re building discipline, not just motivation.

💡 Tip: Focus on progress, not perfection. Every small win counts.

Stage 5: Maintenance — “This Is Just My Life Now”

You’ve been consistent for at least six months — maybe even years — and your new habits feel more natural. You’ve created a lifestyle, not just a plan.

But maintenance requires a growth mindset. You’ll face setbacks, but instead of starting over Monday, you adapt.

No more all-or-nothing thinking.

Common signs:

• You bounce back quicker from setbacks.

• You stop identifying as the “old you.”

• You find joy in the process, not just the outcome.

💡 Tip: Keep learning, evolving, and surrounding yourself with people who challenge you to grow.

Stage 6: Termination — “That’s Not Who I Am Anymore”

This is the final stage of change — when the new behavior becomes part of your identity.

Here’s a personal example: I used to be a smoker. My last cigarette was in November 2012, standing in my garage. I never picked one up again.

Now, I don’t crave it, I don’t think about it, and I don’t identify as someone who smokes. That habit is no longer part of my story.

That’s termination — full transformation.

💡 Tip: You can reach this stage with your fitness journey too. It takes time, grace, and repetition.

Why Knowing Your Stage Matters

You can be in action with one goal (like exercise) but still in pre-contemplation with another (like nutrition). That’s totally normal!

As a coach, my job isn’t to label your stage — it’s to help you recognize where you are and guide you forward.

Real change happens when the pros of moving forward finally outweigh the comfort of staying stuck.

So give yourself grace.

Change isn’t linear. You’ll move forward, slide back, and grow again. That’s the process.

Final Thoughts

Change isn’t about willpower — it’s about awareness.

When you understand where you are in the Stages of Change, you can take aligned action instead of forcing yourself into something you’re not ready for.

If you’re ready to move from thinking about change to living it, I’d love to help.

Let’s find your stage — and build the plan that finally sticks.

Thanks for reading, and remember: consistency, not perfection, is what transforms you. 💪

Love, Jenn